I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
