his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
