he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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