Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
