The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
