STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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