So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
