he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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