I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
