An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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