I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
