I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
