I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
time to smoke my breakfast
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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