from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
