please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
