you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
