everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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