I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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