First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
