smell my finger.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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