yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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