how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
