Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
