Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
