he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
