Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
