A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
