Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
