You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
