You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
