It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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