I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
