he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Boobs are out for the taking
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
