There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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