She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
