mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
