I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
