You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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