You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
