I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
