I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Your dad touched me again.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
