omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
