i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
