well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
