she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
