Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The adults are the big ones right?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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