He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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