he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Oh god it's open bar.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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