i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
His nipple licking is glorious
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