im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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