Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
