I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
