I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
