absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
