You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You ate ashes out of my bong
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
