Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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