She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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