So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
