OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I am spending my child support on dildos
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
