absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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