Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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