Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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