Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
