so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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