so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
